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How to Say No (Without Being an Asshole)We aim to please, and so saying . We don't like to introduce negativity into the conversation, cause a possible confrontation, or have someone think less of us because we don't agree. That said, it's often important to turn things down. Here's how you can say no to just about anything without being an asshole.
If you're reading this post you probably have a problem saying no. But in all seriousness, saying no is about respecting your own time and making sure you're not spreading yourself too thin.
Helping people can be great, but if you say yes to everyone who asks you'll never be able to do it all. You also may find that you're frequently taking on tasks you don't enjoy. This isn't good for anyone, because you're not going to do your best when you're unhappy.
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You just need a little forethought and a little confidence in yourself. Here's what worked for me, plus a handful suggestions from your fellow readers as well. Understand Your Situation to Avoid the Guilt of Saying . For example, you might decline a request from your boss a bit differently than you would a homeless person.
A request for your hard- earned money, dwindling time, hand- me- down sweaters, unrivaled affections, crock pot buying advice, and semi- valuable petition signature may all require a different kind of . This is why declining a request can often get a little tricky.
It's not always as simple as answering the question of . Often times the guilt from saying . If you think about these things ahead of time and understand why you don't want to sign a petition or donate money to a cause you support when asked on the street, you won't leave with guilt sinking into the pit of your stomach. Once you've figured out how you feel, it'll be easier to go with your gut on certain decisions. This way, when someone makes a request you'll be able to ask yourself . If you're still not sure, don't feel pressured to answer one way or the other.
Tell the person requesting your help that you need some time to think about it and make sure it's something you can do. If they're reasonable, they'll understand your position and appreciate that you're putting thought into your decision rather than simply rejecting them outright because you're not sure.
Make No (Detailed) Excuses. When saying . But if you asked for help and someone said ? That doesn't mean you should provide absolutely no context for your answer, but providing an excuse gives people a reason to contest your decision. Applying this situation to reality, when you provide an excuse you also provide an opportunity for the person requesting your help to try and solve the problem preventing you from helping them. If they really need your help, they'll continue to try to convince you why you can do what they're asking. If you truly don't want to do it, check your excuses at the door. That said, providing a simple .
All you have to say is . Either way, the idea is to avoid excuses and simply give context. Too much information will only lead to problems and demonstrate that you feel guilty about saying no. When One . This kind of behavior is inappropriate and you shouldn't feel bad about countering this continued requests with a firm resolve. The person asking needs to know that you're not going to change your mind, and they're likely still asking you because 1) they feel desperate and 2) believe they can wear down your defenses until you'll finally just say . That should end the requests, but if it doesn't you should probably remove yourself from the situation because you're dealing with a very unreasonable person. Don't Become a No Addict.
There's one more thing you should always remember: don't remove . Once you start to feel comfortable with saying .
I'm afraid that it is a fact of life that you are sometimes going to have to do things you don't want to do. Most people don't enjoy cleaning, but you can't decline your chores forever. You also may want to, say, help your friends move so they'll feel more inclined to help you when you ask for their help.
These are situations you're likely aware of, but it's important to keep them in mind. Sometimes the power of . For the most part, you agreed with the above, but there were a few other helpful (and sometimes just funny) tactics that deserve to be highlighted. Here are some of your best suggestions. Our founder Gina Trapani suggests: I don't say .
Americans are the only ones who take the answer no personally. Berry Grapes feels a tasty pie can help (and I couldn't agree more.
It hurts less up front than finding out the lie or the problem later. But pie does help the negativity.
And finally, if you want to ensure you never get asked again, you follow the simple advice of Mark La. Guardia: You fart. But wait, there's more! Here's more specific advice on saying no to your boss. Also, here are a few other suggestions.
Let us know in the comments. If you're like most people, you probably feel overworked and possibly unappreciated. Check out more of her stick figure comics and follow her on Twitter.
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